Talk:Cynthia Stone Creem
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I removed the "...is known to be Jewish" phrase because there is no citation and because that terminology makes it sound like there is possibly something suspect about being Jewish. If there is a reliable source that establishes what her religious faith is, it is acceptable to include that in the "personal" section of the article. In that case, you would just say, "...is Catholic" or "...is Jewish", not "...is know to be Jewish."
Then, you follow with this sentence:
- "She has placed her own religious beliefs above that of human rights when she 'made sure the Committee voted on this bill with an "ought not to pass" recommendation' and therefore failed to protect infants from having their genitals mutilated and their own religious beliefs violated by having a permanent and damaging religious procedure forced upon them."
There are a few issues with this sentence:
1. Since it is about her position on a policy issue, it shouldn't go in the section about her personal life. I'd recommend starting a new section, labeled "Policy positions".
2. The sentence as written expresses an opinion. These guidelines give you a basic overview of a neutral writing style, which is what we strive for.
3. The sentence talks about her vote on a bill without clearly explaining the nature of the bill, although the reader can make some guesses about that by the end of the sentence. It would be better to re-write for clarity, but most importantly, the sentence needs to be re-written for neutrality. January 20:14, 26 April 2010 (CDT)
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